transforming negative self-beliefs

Written by: kim baccigaluppi
 

Basic psychology states that self-beliefs, whether negative or positive, are created from ages 0-7. Negative self-beliefs, (also known as shame), impact the way one perceives their abilities, relationships, success, and life’s possibilities, greatly affecting one’s hopes and dreams.  Ultimately, what we believe about ourselves profoundly affects the quality of our lives.  Internalized shame assaults its way through our self-esteem. Lifetimes are wasted trying to simply feel better. 

Innately, these negative self-beliefs likely will cause depression and anxiety.  All of these negative emotions are a set-up for addiction; attempting to numb and anesthetize these ‘intolerable’ feelings.  Although, these emotional wounds can be significantly reduced and healed with therapeutic interventions such as inner-child work, hypnosis, hypnotherapy and cognitive processing. 

HOW ARE THESE NEGATIVE SELF-BELIEFS FORMED?

Negative and positive self-beliefs are developed in our subconscious mind from the 

ages 0-7 years.  During this age span, the adult intellect has not yet developed.  It is natural that during this time frame, they are egocentric.  Egocentric is defined as a self-centeredness stemming from believing that everything that happens in their environment is their fault.  Children will automatically internalize feeling responsible for what happens, for example: 

• “Mommy and Daddy are arguing, why? Because of me.”
•  “Daddy hits me, why?  Because of me.”
•   “I’m being yelled at, why? Because of me.”
•   “Daddy kicked the dog, why? Because of me.”
•    “Mom left daddy. Why? Because of me."

Without the rational adult mind, the child is unable to rational and understand, for example,   'dad needs anger management help' or 'mom and dad need to go to counseling because of poor communication skills'.  This is the point when the negative self-belief is created. For example, the child’s subconscious concludes: “If I made daddy hit me, then … who am I?”  Below is a list of common negative self-beliefs:

• I’m not good enough 
• I’m not loveable 
• I don’t belong 
• There’s something wrong with me 
• I don't matter 
• I am a loser 
• I am stupid 
• I am unworthy

just to name a few...

Consequently, a "False-Self" is formed.  

"Maybe if I were good enough, or lovable, mom wouldn’t be depressed and I would be loved and get my needs met instead of being neglected, (or abused).”   As human beings, we intrinsically, desire to belong, feel good enough, lovable and to be worthy of being loved.  Believing we aren’t lovable or good enough, will most likely cause interpersonal behavioral and psychological problems. For example, unconsciously, we may become people pleasers and/or manipulators as a solution to not feeling loved or worthy to love; trying desperately to be loved. 

However, the most important aspect of understanding how negative self-beliefs were formed is learning that these negative self-beliefs were based on the LIE that everything was your fault...and that you were already good enough, worthy, and lovable before you learned you weren’t. 

Nevertheless, as a survival mechanism, one's personality traits and characters develop as a way of protecting the 'vulnerable heart of the wounded child'.   For example, one might become defensive opposed to open; or distrusting and suspicious opposed to trusting.  One might become manipulative instead of honest and authentic.  

THE "FALSE-SELF" IS WHO WE HAD TO BECOME TO SURVIVE CHILDHOOD EMOTIONAL WOUNDS

click below to see the characteristics of the true and false-self personalities